I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
