So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
