he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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