i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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