why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
