i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Drunk is not a location!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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