i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
