A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
