My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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