nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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