i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
