I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
