a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize