You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
