Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
