woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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