I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
send nudes
from the living room?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
