bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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