he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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