after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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