We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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