i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
