You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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