i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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