people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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