So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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