my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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