i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
