I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
