Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
