This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
