Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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