when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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