At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
