a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Randomize
