i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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