Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
