who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
