There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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