She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
