I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
