My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize