Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
