he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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