i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I look excited, but its just a facade.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
