he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
