I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize