I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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