Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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