How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
