there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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