i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
