The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
