and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
