you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
