farters have to be the big spoon...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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