He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
