i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My dick has a subreddit
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize