let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
