It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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