You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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