Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
