she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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