ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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