Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
