i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
