i need an iv and a liver transplant
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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