Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
