Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
