By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
