I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
