Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize