So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He shit in the fireplace
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
